No spiritual gubbins today, sunshine
or, being human is messy
As a clairvoyant, I would love to be able to say that I see and feel the presence of spirit around me at all times.
That I sense those from the higher dimensions walking alongside me all day every day, from the first morning stretch to the last nocturnal yawn. But it isn’t like that. Though I know that they are there in unbroken step with me, wisdom and experience tell me so, my perception of their company ebbs and flows, sometimes palpable, sometimes not.
There are times my awareness of the spiritual world is so vivid it takes my breath away: where I see realms upon realms of brilliance and magnificence. Other times, usually in the thickness of anxiety and panic, I see very little. In these latter moments, it is my egoic self that takes charge, shoving my spiritual self out of the proverbial driving seat and taking the wheel:
“Nope, not today sunshine, not putting up with your spiritual gubbins, love. I’m the captain now”, it says, before careening into left brain, problem-solving thinking, or, as it’s more commonly known, catastrophising and panicking.
“I’m catastrophising to help you!” says the egoic self. “If we know every eventuality, all the gruesome, gnarly, ghoulish ways you’re about to DIE, well then, we’re forearmed and forewarned aren’t we!” Come on! We need to PANIC!
Ummmmm, we do?
In these instances, a deep, primal wound has surfaced and taken over. This wound then activates every cell and sets in motion a domino effect of spiralling thoughts, where every muscle tenses and clarity is clouded. Its power is such it negates the perception of ethereal helpers.
I see this dichotomy as part of the messiness of living as a light body in a suit of flesh; an existence where there are no straightforward or easy spiritual paths and our relationship with the unseen is complicated. After all, we come bumping into this world with traumas, wounds, history and the soul experiences that make us into the tangled beings that we are. Then, our current lifetime’s rich tapestry adds a few more: abandonment, bliss, rejection, happiness, near death and full life. Joy, anger, rapture, rage, wonder, awfulness, mess, delight and horror. A smorgasbord of delights that make up a well-lived and messy life of the ethereal with the material.
So I walk my spiritual walk tripping up, tripping over, and falling headlong into each and every experience, sometimes in the pure bliss of spiritual presence, sometimes in the darkest of darkness, where the lights are out, sometimes somewhere in between. There is no floating on a cloud of love and light and skipping through life on my spiritual path, never has been. But when all is said and done, whether I sense them or not, I do know our unseen friends are there. They are always there.
I really appreciate your vulnerability and authenticity 🙏
Beautiful Helen. To be human is to experience everything.. Love and trust are the antidotes to anxiety and panic...but we are meant to feel the fear and always return to that place of peace and love. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's doing it anyway.